What stops you getting the help you need?

Green traffic lightI was talking to a friend the other day – let’s call him Jim.  He’s always asking me about what I do and seems really interested in the coaching and hypnotherapy. He’s even begun to pick up a few books on neurolinguistic programming (NLP).

Jim’s a mechanic by trade – something he fell into by chance after leaving school and has been doing ever since – for twenty-three years, in fact. He’s also a great guitarist and an amazing cook.  Not that he would agree with that appraisal because one of Jim’s issues is his confidence and self-belief. That’s also why he is still a mechanic I suspect.  Because he ‘believes’ that is the only thing he can do and he’s ‘confident’ doing it.

But on the other hand, like so many of us, he knows that there can be so much more.

Just not yet.

That’s why he is always asking me about my work. One day,  he promises, he is going to book some sessions with me and get his life on track. Just as soon as he gets his head sorted, apparently.

‘Hm.’ I say. ‘Isn’t that what I’m there to help you do?’

“Well yeah,” (he speaks guitarist too), “But I don’t want to get into anything heavy.  I wouldn’t want to break down and cry or nothing.”

“What would happen if you did?” I ask.  I am always asking people that. It’s annoying, but it works.

“Well I’d look a bit of a twit, wouldn’t I.” Jim says.

In that case my days are full of twits, I think. But I don’t say this.

“What else would happen?”

“I’d end up pouring out my life story!” He laughs uncomfortably, “Wouldn’t want to bore you with that one.”

“It would be a good place to start.” I say.  “What stops you getting coaching right now?

“It’s not bad enough for that yet.” He says.

“How bad does it have to get before you’re allowed to feel good?”

“Erm…yeah. Well maybe I’m just scared I might change.”

“That’s right.” I agree.  “It can be scary to change, and how much safer can you be if things are always the same as they are now?”

“God forbid.” says Jim.

Robert Sanders is a therapist and life coach, supporting people in their present and helping them create their future.

Leave a Reply