frog with low self-esteem offering flowers to princess

Low self-esteem is a constant theme that runs through much of my client work.

By no means to do all potential clients come to me asking for help with this issue, of course, but it often comes up.

One person comes to me about his relationship challenges and through exploration we come to the conclusion that his partner is not able to respect him because he does not adequately respect himself.

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reframing anxiety girl in picture frame

Anxiety issues are among the most common topics that I discuss with my clients. Even if they come to see me about something else, anxiety and stress are themes in their lives. Reframing anxiety can help.

Anxiety can be triggered by various factors, such as work stress, relationship issues, financial problems, or health concerns. It can also become generalised to all aspects of life and appear to arise without any clear trigger.

Although it is a natural and necessary, human response, anxiety can become overwhelming and interfere with your daily activities.

Reframing is a process commonly used in NLP that involves changing the way we think about a situation or event. It can help us see things from a different angle and reframe our thoughts in a more positive light.

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nlp for confidence - public speaking

There are many kinds of confidence, and different people experience confidence differently. However there are certain situations that regularly crop up as challenges for people.

Public speaking and job interviews are typical examples. Many people experience feelings of self-doubt and anxiety in these high-pressure situations.

One approach is to use NLP for confidence in situations that may come up in the future.

NLP for confidence techniques

Try these four approaches for starters.

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stop procrastinating and self sabotage

To stop procrastinating can be the hardest thing in the world – or the easiest.

Isn’t it funny how sometimes we can just get on and do the things that matter, and other times we seem to self-sabotage our own attempts to do the right thing? Whether it is from low self esteem or something else – why can’t you do the things you should?

‘Should’ according to whom?

Sometimes the reason we procrastinate is because we don’t really own the activity in the first place.

If there is a ‘should’ or an ‘ought to’ running through your mind, you are allowing outside pressures to control your outcomes. That can often lead to a feeling of anxiety, which limits your ability to act even further.

If you are doing something because your sister says so, or the government, or your religion, or the book you are reading, you may unconsciously resist doing it.

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Woman using NLP for Anxiety

There are some very effective, but easy to use, NLP for anxiety techniques that can have an immediate effect in helping you to cope with worrying about a specific event that is coming up.

There are varying degrees of anxiety, it’s true, and worrying about an event in the future can be a very stressful experience.

You may have found yourself lying awake at night thinking about that meeting you have to go to, or that difficult conversation you know you are going to have.

There is an endless list of things to be anxious about.

In fact for some people, anxiety can take over their lives to such a degree that it prevents them doing the things most people take for granted.

Often, when they first see me, my clients have got to the point where they cannot travel, or leave a certain area, or go to public events.

Some of the approaches I use are quite complex, but here are a few ways you can use NLP for anxiety right now.

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a toolbox as an example of NLP tools to ask  does nlp work

Neurolinguistic Programming (NLP) has been around as a discipline since 1975. It has gone through a great deal of change and development since that time. The question many ask is ‘does NLP work’? Or is it just another an example of the placebo effect?

Placebo is an effect whereby a person’s condition, mental or physical, is improved even though the treatment is not ‘real’. The assumption is that the belief in the effectiveness of treatment is sufficient to make people well.

It strikes me that the placebo effect is, in itself an example of an NLP process at work. One of the core areas of work in NLP is on the way our beliefs affect our outcomes. If we believe something about ourselves, we tend to prove ourselves right. This is either because we tend to create the circumstances to support the belief, or we select the evidence to prove it.

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Why and question marks

Learning language skills can be so powerful. I can’t over-emphasise the importance of using the right word in the right situation. Asking the right questions, giving feedback, maintaining rapport – these are all incredibly valuable skills that will just make day-to-day interactions smoother, more amicable and more effective.

There is so much to learn and so many things to think about that nobody is ever going to be a perfect communicator. I am still learning new language skills myself, and just knowing them isn’t enough. You have to develop the habits to use them.

Take the question ‘why’, for example…

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social situation women chatting
Image by StockSnap from Pixabay

Social anxiety can be a subtle beast. There are a great many sufferers out there who may not even realise what is going on. When you are struggling with issues such as lack of confidence, low self-esteem, shyness and social awkwardness it is natural that you are going to be anxious in social situations. There can be various causes for this and there may often be several reasons why you are worried about interacting with others. But whatever your situation, there are things that you can do to help yourself deal with social situations better. Below, I suggest some specific social anxiety techniques that can help

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Weak as a kitten
Image by Dim Hou from Pixabay

We all have a weakness of one sort or another. An area where we feel inadequate or limited. Nobody is good at everything and most of us suck at many things. So mostly it’s okay.

There are times, though, when not being good at something can be a problem for us. It may be a personal skill, such as being confident in social situations, or getting up on time. It may be a whole big area of ability, like doing maths, grammar, or being able to draw.

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Robert Sanders - my daily routine

Having a daily routine can be a really important part of making the best of life. Everything that you do as habit or routine is one less task your brain needs to do consciously. Steve Jobs was said to have a wardrobe full of identical suits so that he didn’t have to make a decision every day about what to wear.

If you do have a routine, it can be a good exercise to write it down and unpick it a bit. Challenge the ‘stuff’ you don’t need to do, and find ways to make the banal and routine more enriching.

6.00 I get up and have a good breakfast. Sometimes just cereals and toast, but I find it easy to cook up a few poached eggs – just pop the bread in the toaster and the eggs in the boiling water and their done about the same time.

6.00 I spend some of my day working with kids at a breakfast club nearby. It is a matter of hopping on my bicycle and I’m there in three minutes. All of the work I do is local or home based.

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