Valentines Day Don’ts

On Valentines day, the world goes a little crazy. For this one day everything in the shops turns pink and gets covered in roses. The price of flowers explodes, restaurants rearrange their seeting to look like school examination halls with rows upon rows of tables for two.

Husbands panic. Wives sigh despairingly. Couples of every kind step things up a notch in the bedroom, the kitchen and sometimes all over the house!

There are so many ways that we can show our love and appreciation, and many of these are a million miles away from the traditional Valentines activities.

My advice to couples everywhere is to enjoy the best of it and in particular avoid these Valentine’s day no-nos:

Don’t have expectations

With all the hype in the shops and the news, it can be easy to get caught in the wave and believe that there is something very important about Valentines day. The overall impression is that you have to be super romantic and tick some love boxes to succeed.

When the stakes are high in love, we can be hyper sensitive to things that aren’t quite right. Did the flowers come from a supermarket? A flower chain? Please don’t say they are from a garage!

Will she do that thing she knows I like? What will she wear? Will it be a romantic card? A sexy one? A funny one?

It is all too easy to create a perfect Valentines day in your mind and find yourself testiing your partner against the gold standard.

Decide to take the day as it comes and appreciate any gesture, and if they forget entirely…remember for them.

Don’t compete

Try not to keep score of who does what and how on Valentines day. It is not a competition to prove how much more you love her than she loves you.

Don’t count the presents!

If you believe he has expectations of you, then by all means tick those boxes if you can. Ultimately though the aim is to just show that you love from the heart. The best way to show love is through meaningful action, and being authentic and that’s a lifetime thing.

Don’t over-think

Be wary of taking the things that happen on Valentines day too seriously or reading too much into them.

What exactly did he mean when he wrote that? He only put one kiss on the card. She hasn’t texted me today, is she angry with me? There were lilies in the bunch of flowers he sent – doesn’t that mean something?

The high stakes nature of Valentine just cries out for misunderstanding and misinterpretation. But what you think, isn’t the meaning. Breathe it out and let it go..

Don’t perform

Whether it is in the bedroom, in the restaurant, or in the living room, if you turn your romancing into a performance you are asking for trouble. The moment you try to be something greater than you are, you cease to be you. The real you is the only thing worth loving in a relationship.

Just be you

Whatever your plans for Valentines day, make sure that you are showing up as yourself. Grand gestures can be a lot of fun, but they mean far less that the day-to-day being there that all true lovers share.

Robert Sanders is a therapist and life coach, supporting people in their present and helping them create their future.