Love strategiesSometimes when you meet a person for the very first time it can really feel like you are a great match. As you improve your relationship you may notice how much you have in common. You:

  • like the same films
  • come from the same town
  • have the same dark sense of humour
  • both like running, or knitting, or bottle collecting, …etc

It’s a frequent pattern in forming relationships that we delight in our connections and our similarities.  There will be many differences to add excitement, interest and imagination to the mix of course. In many relationships the focus is still on how similar, or how in tune we are.

As you get to know that person better you begin to realise that while there are many things about them that match your own experience, there are many significant differences at a deeper level.Read more »

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Do you carry a mirror wherever you go?

The truth is that in reality we all do, without realising it. When we judge others we are often just looking at a reflection of ourselves.

I was ‘innocently minding my business’ the other day in a local coffee shop when I overheard a snippet of a conversation a couple were having at the next table.

“That Mary is such a gossip! Did you hear the other day how she was slamming the woman at the green-grocers about her daughter running off with a painter? I mean heaven knows that is shocking, but why does Mary have to go round telling everybody about it? She’s one to talk isn’t she when she’s on her third husband and one in the fire if you know what I mean. It’s shameful.

I wouldn’t speak to her at all, but I like to know what mischief she’s up to. She’s such a trouble maker…”

The gentleman opposite the speaker nodded wisely and said, “If there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s people spreading rumours. There’s a chap in my office who’s just as bad. I’m pretty sure he’s having an affair with his boss too. The hypocrisy of the man.’

How easy it is to see in others the things that are deepest in ourselves. Read more »

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