Low self-esteem is a constant theme that runs through much of my client work.
By no means to do all potential clients come to me asking for help with this issue, of course, but it often comes up.
One person comes to me about his relationship challenges and through exploration we come to the conclusion that his partner is not able to respect him because he does not adequately respect himself.
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There are many kinds of confidence, and different people experience confidence differently. However there are certain situations that regularly crop up as challenges for people.
Public speaking and job interviews are typical examples. Many people experience feelings of self-doubt and anxiety in these high-pressure situations.
One approach is to use NLP for confidence in situations that may come up in the future.
Try these four approaches for starters.
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There are some very effective, but easy to use, NLP for anxiety techniques that can have an immediate effect in helping you to cope with worrying about a specific event that is coming up.
There are varying degrees of anxiety, it’s true, and worrying about an event in the future can be a very stressful experience.
You may have found yourself lying awake at night thinking about that meeting you have to go to, or that difficult conversation you know you are going to have.
There is an endless list of things to be anxious about.
In fact for some people, anxiety can take over their lives to such a degree that it prevents them doing the things most people take for granted.
Often, when they first see me, my clients have got to the point where they cannot travel, or leave a certain area, or go to public events.
Some of the approaches I use are quite complex, but here are a few ways you can use NLP for anxiety right now.
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Neurolinguistic Programming (NLP) has been around as a discipline since 1975. It has gone through a great deal of change and development since that time. The question many ask is ‘does NLP work’? Or is it just another an example of the placebo effect?
Placebo is an effect whereby a person’s condition, mental or physical, is improved even though the treatment is not ‘real’. The assumption is that the belief in the effectiveness of treatment is sufficient to make people well.
It strikes me that the placebo effect is, in itself an example of an NLP process at work. One of the core areas of work in NLP is on the way our beliefs affect our outcomes. If we believe something about ourselves, we tend to prove ourselves right. This is either because we tend to create the circumstances to support the belief, or we select the evidence to prove it.
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Learning language skills can be so powerful. I can’t over-emphasise the importance of using the right word in the right situation. Asking the right questions, giving feedback, maintaining rapport – these are all incredibly valuable skills that will just make day-to-day interactions smoother, more amicable and more effective.
There is so much to learn and so many things to think about that nobody is ever going to be a perfect communicator. I am still learning new language skills myself, and just knowing them isn’t enough. You have to develop the habits to use them.
Take the question ‘why’, for example…
Read more »Social anxiety can be a subtle beast. There are a great many sufferers out there who may not even realise what is going on. When you are struggling with issues such as lack of confidence, low self-esteem, shyness and social awkwardness it is natural that you are going to be anxious in social situations. There can be various causes for this and there may often be several reasons why you are worried about interacting with others. But whatever your situation, there are things that you can do to help yourself deal with social situations better. Below, I suggest some specific social anxiety techniques that can help
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When you set a goal, or plan a task or project, it is important to have a clear vision of the outcome. Visualisation, written goals, SMART outcomes and Well-formedness are all aspects of this same principal. Create the future in detail and then have a plan that takes you there.
Many of us who set out with a mission find that the reality is very different from the plans. Problems get in the way, costs spiral, a pandemic breaks out or even a war! It is no wonder that many people give up entirely on their goals because they go off course.
A core part of Neurolinguistic Programming (NLP) aa set of are it’s ‘presuppositions’. These are a set of guidelines that practitioners use to help them be more effective in their lives. One of these presuppositions reads:
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When you have been living your life in the same way, sometimes you need an epiphany to overcome it. An epiphany is defined in the dictionary as ‘a moment of sudden and great revelation or realization’. It is a moment in time when one incident – a thought, an experience – changes everything for good.
There are many stories in history of people who have made sudden realisations that changed everything. The classic epiphany would be the story of Archimedes, leaping from his bath, shouting ‘Eureka’ as he came to understand water displacement. Sir Isaac Newton is said to have had an epiphany when an apple fell on his head – illustrating gravity.
These events, if true, were significant enough to change the course of science and mathematics. An epiphany can also be experienced at the personal level too. Any experience that results in a major shift in thinking or a new way of experiencing the world is an epiphany. In his classic book The Dubliners, James Joyce explored personal epiphanies through his short stories.
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One of the questions I get asked in the early stages of working with clients, is ‘How long will it take to get better?’ When you are suffering from anxiety and depression, coping with a phobia or dealing with stressful situations, you want to get better as quickly as possible.
The traditional view of psychiatry is that you go and see your ‘shrink’ every Tuesday afternoon over a period of 2, maybe 3 years. You lie on her coach and tell her everything. How your mother didn’t love you. You father dropped you on the head when you were 6. All the traumatic experiences you endured, and of course every sexual encounter you have ever had. Through this the therapist has you come to some realisation that immediately makes you see the world differently. However once you often have that realisation you still need to work with it and come to terms with it.
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“Why am I different?” – It’s a question I get asked a lot by my clients about themselves. They say things like:
“‘I try to be like everyone else. I try to fit in.
I wear the kind of clothes that other people my age wear.
I join in with the conversations that go on and try to look like I am totally on their wavelength.
I pretend to be interested in all the things they like to do, and I take part in the socials.
I turn up for the charity events and I even turn a blind eye to the things that make me uncomfortable.
“I don’t agree with some of the things people say, and some of it is just so wrong, on so many levels. I daren’t say anything though, so I just smile politely.
That makes me feel really bad inside. It just emphasises even more that I am different, and I don’t think people would like me if they knew what I am really like.”
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