Guilt, regret and shame: can NLP help you deal with unhelpful emotions?

Dealing with guilt, regret or shame using NLP or Timeline Therapy can be very helpful in enabling you to move on in life.

All of us, at one time or another, have had moments where we have made choices that we have later had cause to regret. Guilt for doing something, or failing to do something seems inevitable and can cause us great unhappiness and pain.

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What is your real hourly rate?

calculating your real hourly rateDo you know your real hourly rate? Many clients come to me because they are trapped in a career or job that they no longer want.  One of the most common reasons that they give for not leaving is that they are paid too well and they can’t take a cut in income.  Sometimes though when you get down to it, that change in income may not be as dramatic as you think. There may be more alternatives than you think.

To help get some clarity it can be worth sitting down and really getting to grips with the figures. One question to ask is, “What is my REAL hourly rate?” Read more ›

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5 things that may help with anger issues

anger issues - a picture of the incredible hulkAnger issues are among the most common themes that come up when working with neurolinguistic programming (NLP) clients.  Often when I meet someone for the first time, clients will be concerned that they are having angry outbursts or feel pent-up feelings of anger. They can’t understand why this is happening. Small things, which you would not normally find more than slightly  irritating, take on an inappropriate level of emotion.  The tendency to lose your temper can lead to difficulties in your relationships, social life, and also at work. Clients have found themselves Read more ›

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Metaprograms: How big are your chunks?

In the last blog I visited the concept of ‘metaprograms’ – the general approaches to life that influence our view of the world and affect the success of our choices and outcomes, both positively and negatively. There are no ‘wrong’ metaprograms, and they are preferences rather than hard and fast rules. So in the last example, having a preference for a ‘toward’ metaprogram, or an ‘away from’ metaprogram each has their own benefits and disadvantages.

Another metaprogram that can have a significant effect on your world view is ‘chunk-size’.

A stonemason was working on a huge rock on the site of a new cathedral. A passing priest asked him what he was doing and the stonemason replied: ‘I am using these tools to make this rock the right shape to fit with other rocks. By doing this I will earn money for my family and keep us safe.’

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Metaprograms: Are you an away from or a towards person?

towards/away fromIs your map of the world (see my blog “I finally get getting there”) a generally positive one, or typically erring on the side of negativity?

How we respond to our world, as I’ve said many times before, can totally colour our view of life. Two people viewing the same event can have completely different experiences and interpretations, based on how they filter the information they receive through their senses. There are a range of these filters available to us. For instance we may filter our experience to favour certain senses – focusing on the visual, or on the sounds that are present. We may filter through our values – we may judge easy going people more harshly, for example if one of our highest values is consistency, or achievement.

Another key set of filters is based on our ‘Metaprograms’. I think one way to think of these are as ‘life attitudes’. They are the way you tend to process information and experiences. Metaprograms are often what is being tested in psychometric tests such as the Myers-Briggs test.

I’ll look at just one example of a metaprogram today, but I’ll probably write about others in future blogs.  The subject of todays blog is about whether you are a ‘towards’ or ‘away from’ person.

‘Towards’ people

A person who has a ‘towards’ paradigm, will tend to be focused on goals to be achieved, or positive outcomes to be fulfilled. They may look forward to events in the future, and be looking to make improvements. If you are a towards person, you are looking at what you can gain from a situation, a relationship or a new experience, for example. A ‘toward’ person is great to have around if you want to get things done quickly, or if you have a major goal to complete.  Sometimes a towards person can get into trouble by not thinking things through properly and taking too many risks. Read more ›

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Choice is not always a good thing

Here`s the scenario.  You are on your way to a meeting.  Perhaps it is work related, or a club committee, or simply catching up with a friend.  You’re about to head into the cafe, or the office and you suddenly realise that you haven’t got a pen.  You’re going to look a bit silly if you need to take some notes or jot down some figures, or even just put a date in your diary.

Just down the road from the venue for the meeting is a local supermarket – a pretty big one. They will definitely be selling pens. Read more ›

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4 questions to make a big decision easier

I had an email the other day from a past client who I haven’t heard from for a while.

It’s lovely to hear from people I have worked with, and especially nice when they occasionally just check in and tell me how things are going, what they are doing, and sometimes also, what challenges they are facing.

This particular lady is really enjoying life at the moment and it’s lovely to think that I was there for her when things were a little complicated and stressful. Read more ›

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What are you aware of?

As we go through life, stuff just happens. It can feel like we are being carried on a wave and there just isn’t time to properly focus on what is happening and what we are feeling. But moods and states change constantly through the day as we all know.

Even the most depressed people have moments of feeling calmer and more positive. Even the most anxious people can forget to worry in a particular moment.  The best state of all can often be the one we haven’t even noticed. That state of being in ‘The Zone’, so focused that you have forgotten where you are, all sounds become a background buzz and your attention is solely on the task in hand. Read more ›

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So what WOULD Mary Berry do?

Most people have a hero. Someone whose work they admire. Someone who does something that stirs you up.

When I ask my clients to tell me their heroes, they often feel that they need to come up with some big name and then decide that they have to have the goals to go along with it.

They imagine it should be a film star, like Emma Thompson, or Bruce Willis, or Scarlet Johansson.  Or they think I want them to choose a successful business person, like Oprah Winfrey or Read more ›

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How to uncover more choices, when you are stuck

Many clients, when they first come to see me, feel they are stuck. There are so many different situations in which you can find yourself where there just doesn’t seem to be any choice.

Here are just a few examples:

  • being in a co-dependent or abusive relationship;
  • doing a job you don’t like;
  • unable to lose weight or get healthy;
  • lonely, but too shy to make friends;
  • lacking the confidence and self-belief to do what you really want to do.

Read more ›

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