6 quotes about sadness to change the way you feel now.

boy hiding under cushions

There are times in everyone’s lives when they feel deeply sad. There are great overwhelming moments of grief and loss. There is the dark, seemingly endless tunnel of depression.

These are the times when it feels that there is no bright side.

Holly Golightly: You know those days when you get the mean reds?
Paul Varjak: The mean reds, you mean like the blues?
Holly Golightly: No. The blues are because you’re getting fat and maybe it’s been raining too long, you’re just sad that’s all. The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you’re afraid and you don’t know what you’re afraid of. Do you ever get that feeling?


When you are really down, the biggest step can simply be allowing someone in to help. If you are feeling anything like that, then take that small step. Make a phone call. See your doctor. Talk to someone.

The difference between feeling sad, and being depressed is that sadness is a state that passes. When we say we are depressed we define ourselves somehow. It is a known fact that depression has increased dramatically in recent times, as our modern world changes and the things that connected us together – family, community and society – are breaking down.

When I was a child people simply looked about them and were moderately happy; today they peer beyond the seven seas, bury themselves waist deep in tidings, and by and large what they see and hear makes them unutterably sad. 

E. B. White

So if you are suffering from depressive symptoms, seek out some help from a professional. Make an appointment with your doctor or contact an expert.

What if I just want to feel sad?

For those other times, when we just feel a little sad. You know what? That is allowed. Sometimes we like to listen to sad songs, watch weepies, have the occasional wallow in self pity. 

Other times sadness chooses us, but we accept it and allow it for a time because it is the right way to feel.  Others try to lift us out of it and we can even resent them a little for doing so.

Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word happy would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness. It is far better take things as they come along with patience and equanimity. 

Carl Jung

Where some people perhaps go wrong is in deciding that because we choose one emotion over another in the moment, somehow that decides what kind of a person you are. It decides the kind of life you have lived. Just because you have times of sadness does not mean you have a sad life.

What we want to help children with is, just because you feel sad or happy or depressed doesn’t mean that is who you are. We want them to know, ‘I am really sad right now, but I am not a sad person.’ 

Goldie Hawn

Consciously or unconsciously, we choose how to feel about the things that we experience. There is usually so much going on in our lives on a day-to-day level that we can’t possibly process it all, so we choose what to focus on. We are living a news-feed. The first item of the day may make us weep uncontrollably and by the end of the day we may laugh at something completely unconnected to that, or even the same thing over again!

And in real life endings aren’t always neat, whether they’re happy endings, or whether they’re sad endings. 

Stephen King

We have to allow a certain amount of all emotion in. We don’t need to assume that because this happens, and that happens, we are going to be unhappy for the rest of our days. We don’t have to make decisions based on the least risk to our happiness, because it is okay to feel unhappy sometimes.

All things are so very uncertain, and that’s exactly what makes me feel reassured.”

Tove Jansson, Moominland Midwinter
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Guilt, regret and shame: can NLP help you deal with unhelpful emotions?

Dealing with guilt, regret or shame using NLP or Timeline Therapy can be very helpful in enabling you to move on in life.

All of us, at one time or another, have had moments where we have made choices that we have later had cause to regret. Guilt for doing something, or failing to do something seems inevitable and can cause us great unhappiness and pain.

Read more ›
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What is your real hourly rate?

calculating your real hourly rateDo you know your real hourly rate? Many clients come to me because they are trapped in a career or job that they no longer want.  One of the most common reasons that they give for not leaving is that they are paid too well and they can’t take a cut in income.  Sometimes though when you get down to it, that change in income may not be as dramatic as you think. There may be more alternatives than you think.

To help get some clarity it can be worth sitting down and really getting to grips with the figures. One question to ask is, “What is my REAL hourly rate?” Read more ›

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5 things that may help with anger issues

anger issues - a picture of the incredible hulkAnger issues are among the most common themes that come up when working with neurolinguistic programming (NLP) clients.  Often when I meet someone for the first time, clients will be concerned that they are having angry outbursts or feel pent-up feelings of anger. They can’t understand why this is happening. Small things, which you would not normally find more than slightly  irritating, take on an inappropriate level of emotion.  The tendency to lose your temper can lead to difficulties in your relationships, social life, and also at work. Clients have found themselves Read more ›

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Metaprograms: How big are your chunks?

In the last blog I visited the concept of ‘metaprograms’ – the general approaches to life that influence our view of the world and affect the success of our choices and outcomes, both positively and negatively. There are no ‘wrong’ metaprograms, and they are preferences rather than hard and fast rules. So in the last example, having a preference for a ‘toward’ metaprogram, or an ‘away from’ metaprogram each has their own benefits and disadvantages.

Another metaprogram that can have a significant effect on your world view is ‘chunk-size’.

A stonemason was working on a huge rock on the site of a new cathedral. A passing priest asked him what he was doing and the stonemason replied: ‘I am using these tools to make this rock the right shape to fit with other rocks. By doing this I will earn money for my family and keep us safe.’


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Metaprograms: Are you an away from or a towards person?

towards/away fromIs your map of the world (see my blog “I finally get getting there”) a generally positive one, or typically erring on the side of negativity?

How we respond to our world, as I’ve said many times before, can totally colour our view of life. Two people viewing the same event can have completely different experiences and interpretations, based on how they filter the information they receive through their senses. There are a range of these filters available to us. For instance we may filter our experience to favour certain senses – focusing on the visual, or on the sounds that are present. We may filter through our values – we may judge easy going people more harshly, for example if one of our highest values is consistency, or achievement.

Another key set of filters is based on our ‘Metaprograms’. I think one way to think of these are as ‘life attitudes’. They are the way you tend to process information and experiences. Metaprograms are often what is being tested in psychometric tests such as the Myers-Briggs test.

I’ll look at just one example of a metaprogram today, but I’ll probably write about others in future blogs.  The subject of todays blog is about whether you are a ‘towards’ or ‘away from’ person.

‘Towards’ people

A person who has a ‘towards’ paradigm, will tend to be focused on goals to be achieved, or positive outcomes to be fulfilled. They may look forward to events in the future, and be looking to make improvements. If you are a towards person, you are looking at what you can gain from a situation, a relationship or a new experience, for example. A ‘toward’ person is great to have around if you want to get things done quickly, or if you have a major goal to complete.  Sometimes a towards person can get into trouble by not thinking things through properly and taking too many risks. Read more ›

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Choice is not always a good thing

Here`s the scenario.  You are on your way to a meeting.  Perhaps it is work related, or a club committee, or simply catching up with a friend.  You’re about to head into the cafe, or the office and you suddenly realise that you haven’t got a pen.  You’re going to look a bit silly if you need to take some notes or jot down some figures, or even just put a date in your diary.

Just down the road from the venue for the meeting is a local supermarket – a pretty big one. They will definitely be selling pens. Read more ›

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4 questions to make a big decision easier

I had an email the other day from a past client who I haven’t heard from for a while.

It’s lovely to hear from people I have worked with, and especially nice when they occasionally just check in and tell me how things are going, what they are doing, and sometimes also, what challenges they are facing.

This particular lady is really enjoying life at the moment and it’s lovely to think that I was there for her when things were a little complicated and stressful. Read more ›

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What are you aware of?

As we go through life, stuff just happens. It can feel like we are being carried on a wave and there just isn’t time to properly focus on what is happening and what we are feeling. But moods and states change constantly through the day as we all know.

Even the most depressed people have moments of feeling calmer and more positive. Even the most anxious people can forget to worry in a particular moment.  The best state of all can often be the one we haven’t even noticed. That state of being in ‘The Zone’, so focused that you have forgotten where you are, all sounds become a background buzz and your attention is solely on the task in hand. Read more ›

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So what WOULD Mary Berry do?

Most people have a hero. Someone whose work they admire. Someone who does something that stirs you up.

When I ask my clients to tell me their heroes, they often feel that they need to come up with some big name and then decide that they have to have the goals to go along with it.

They imagine it should be a film star, like Emma Thompson, or Bruce Willis, or Scarlet Johansson.  Or they think I want them to choose a successful business person, like Oprah Winfrey or Read more ›

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